I hate your face
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
