Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
