We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
