She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
