Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
