I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
