Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
