he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
