you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
