I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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