She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
