She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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