guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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