Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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