Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
