bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I want to be your penis for a week.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
