its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
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