one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
