he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
