idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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