Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
