I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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