I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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