Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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