Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
