but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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