Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
