We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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