Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Help. Why am I so naked?
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