what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
