I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
