You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
