it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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