dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
