it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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