using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
im holly from the hills drunk
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If I die, sorry about rent.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Randomize
