Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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