I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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