Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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