Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have fence marks all over my body
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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