My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
