Please, let me fuck your mom
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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