I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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