if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How does it feel to date your dad?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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