It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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