Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
