there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
third nipple confirmed
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
