hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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