Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
