Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
