so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
