saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
