why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
